What is your phobia?

The title says it all.

What is your phobia?

Phobia - An extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something

I'm pretty sure everyone has one. I think I have a phobia of scary/horror shows or books or anything related to it. I have no idea why but I just get freaked out by those stuff. Like those books my peers used to collect during our 'innocent' childhood days - 'Goosebumps'.

I love reading and one day, I decided to read one of them and boy, horrible mistake! I couldn't sleep for a few nights. I actually crawled into my grandma's bed and huddled next to her till the next morning. And I was 11 or 12 at that time? *shudders*

So I know, those books aren't for me. And then there was this time where my family had the tradition of decorating our Christmas tree together and during decoration, we would normally just switch on the TV. The show that we were watching together was a live-action of Kindaichi or at that time, I knew it as 金田一. When we were done decorating and it was time for me to go to bed, part I of the show ended. And I had to wait till next week to know what was the ending. FREAK!! I had to spend 1 week thinking of the ending and I remembered it was pretty scary for me as murders were involved within a group of friends who were out camping or so. Needless to say, I spent that 1 week curled up with my grandma again. >.>

And even after I watched the ending and knew that the murders were committed by some crazed human or so, I was still convinced that someone or something out there was gonna grab me. Pssft. I guess, the position I sleep in now is probably due to this incident. 

As you can see, I dread horror shows or books. Along with that, I dislike clowns and dolls. Not Barbie dolls but those dolls with creepy realistic looking eyes. URGH! Whenever trailers of these type of shows pop up in the cinemas, I would just close my eyes and cover my ears, well, to the best that I can.

And obviously I would not go watch an horror show willingly. OBVIOUSLY! But there are still people who try to persuade me to go along with them. And for them, I usually compromise by saying that if they fulfill 3 requirements, I'll go along.

So what are these 3 requirements?

1) Pay for my ticket in. (No way am I gonna pay for something which I have no interest in)

2) Buy me enough popcorn and drinks to last me for the entire show. (I need something to entertain myself.)

3) Bring blanket, earmuffs and something cuddly for me to hug during the show. (Yeaps, that's the main thing, I'll be huddled under the blankie, happily munching the food and being oblivious to what's going on.)

BEST! Hahahaha!

Ridiculous requirements right? But that's what you need to do in order to get me into a horror show.

Till today, I've only been into the cinema ONCE to watch an horror show. And apparently it wasn't really an horror show but more of a comedy-mixed-horror movie. =.= I remember the title of the show was 'Drag Me To Hell.' and I guess it did for that hour or so. =3=
But the 1st two requirements were fulfilled I think, the last one was kinda of tweaked I guess. No blankie or earmuffs but there was something for me to grip on to when I was scared out of my wits. 

I doubt my heart can take it~

So why the sudden talk of phobias?

Well, yesterday I was watching an 'horror' show. It was kinda like the 金田一 show I mentioned before but the ending was..... There's no ending yet. T^T So after the show last night, I wrapped myself in my blankie and didn't dare to get out of my room. Even when I wanted to go to the toilet. To make things worse, there was a really strong wind at that time and I could hear the door 'Kong. Kong. Kong.'!! Like there was someone there! Oh gosh, I tried so desperately to shut my eyes and force myself to sleep but to no avail. Only after much praying and keeping my mind off that darn show, I managed to. No grandma for me to hug this time round. 

So moral of the story, do not watch an horror or similar show at night... alone.

For me at least. Hahaha! Though I learn through psychology that it is possible to overcome your phobia during conditioning but I think I'll just go with the other way - Avoidance. =P

So what are your greatest fears or phobias? I know there are some weird phobias like Melophobia (fear of music), or Arachibutyrophobia (fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. =.=) or even Panophobia which is the fear of everything. Yea, I know right. o.O

I know there's this disgusting photo where a girl had like hundreds of holes on her arms and it kinda of 'test' whether you have the fear or phobia of small holes of something. And that photo was just bugging my mind that entire day. Urgh! And now, maybe it's in your mind too. =P

To take your mind off that, here's some pictures of Lassie with her favourite blankie. =D

Summer has started and I'm filled with so many mixed feelings.

Happy, sad, lazy hyper, lonely, busy, bored~

Yea, you get it.

Was supposed to go out today but didn't manage to in the end. Only went for my driving lessons and came home. Was feeling nostalgic so I went to dig up some old stuff and it made me miss the old times. Times when I was so carefree and happy. And as I continued reading on, I could feel the troubles creeping on my self then and so on. If only we didn't have to grow up, if only, things could stay the way they were then..

But if they did remain as they were, there would be no growth. 

Thoughts like these were flying through my head for the past week. I think stoning at home and not having to work mentally is causing these thoughts. During these times, I yearn for someone to just give me a hug, pat my head and tell me that everything is gonna be alright. Just like when you're a kid and your parents used to do that. But I guess at this age, it's kinda of hard. We can't just dream anymore, but it is time to start working hard and change these dreams into reality. 

I guess, with that being said, I need to start finding things to occupy myself to prevent my brain from wandering aimlessly and lest I delve deeper into the past and start living in it again. 

Alright! I can't wait for next week to arrive! Because there's gonna be..

.

.

.

AVENGERS!!! 

Woohooo!~

And I'm proud to say that I've packed up majority of my room! Looks so much neater! And at the same time, I've found some awesome old goodies! Shall share them in the next post~ =D

Time for my drama time! Enjoy the upcoming weekend! Jaa~

Worrying as usual.

I gotta be crazy, blogging at a time like this. But truth to be said, my brain is mentally exhausted from all the squeezing and stuffing of information. 

Just needed to let out some thoughts here. My resolve seems to be weakening. I do hope it can continue to be strong. At this point of time, the one I can look to for help is the Lord. He knows what's best for me though I gotta admit, sometimes I'm lost as to what and where He wants me to go. 

Like the saying goes, it is easier said than done. Especially for this particular mind boggling thing that is currently running throughout my head. 

I thought I could do it, but judging from how things are now, my confidence is shaking. I don't think I can. I don't think I've ever felt so uncertain in this 'genre' in my life. 

But then again, I might be thinking/worrying too much. Maybe I really do need to seek some 'help' as what my  test suggested. LOL! I shall just stick to my usual quote.

What's yours will be yours. What's not yours, no matter how hard you try, it will never be yours. Because it was never meant to be.

Time for my experimental sleep! After tomorrow, I can finally let out a sigh of relief~ Finance is over & International Economics is going down tomorrow!

Ending this post with two quotes that I came across recently and really liked!

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events. have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  ~Groucho Marx

Nobody can take away your pain, so don't let anyone take away your happiness. ~Unknown

Cya soon! >.^

Sleeping experiments~

I'm up so early on a Saturday!

AMAZING! 

Well, not really that amazing since I'm up early to study. Ya, right after this 

blog post. =X

Another reason why I'm up is due to the fact that I've been adjusting and experimenting with my biological clock. Like adjusting my alarms to a certain cycle to see whether there are any effects. So far, I've been feeling more energetic and definitely remembering more dreams recently.

Energetic, good.

Dreams, uhhh~ Not a good or bad thing I guess

My dreams for the past week have sorta been similar. Same person, similar themes. I might actually be happy IF only I didn't have to wake up and find out it's all just a dream. (And gosh, this sentence sounds like a line from a primary school composition.)

And this is the part where I insert the really cheesy line:

I rather have you plaguing my dreams than to have you out of my mind.

*shudders* Ok, end of cheesy time! Hahahaha!

I'll be experimenting more sleep habits after Thursday! I can't wait for it to arrive! That's when my summer starts! 19th April, 1030!

Alright! Back to studies! Gonna bake some yummilicious cookies later! Hopefully like what they say, third time's the charm. =D

Leaving you peeps with this song cover, Safe & Sound by TeraBrite. Introduced by Sherwin.

Welcome Home~

What is the best thing someone ever said to you?

Or maybe made an huge impact on you.

I guess some would say it's the famous three words: 

I love you

But to me, recently I found out what really impacted me a lot are these two simple words:

Welcome home~

Simple ya?

So simple and yet it can affect me so greatly. For me now, these words matter more to me than any declarations of love. Or maybe I'm just being cynical of the word 'love'. To me, the word 'love' is overused in today's times. Even for myself, I'll often ask, what is love?

How do you distinguish 'like', 'love', 'lust' and 'infatuation'?

Don't ask me to google it. =.= 

Anyway, back from digressing, why do I mention the importance of this now?

Because, recently, someone important to me who I respect greatly too said these two words to me. Well, three if you add in my name at the back but ya. 

When I heard these words, I just felt, 

'Oh yea, I'm home again. This is where I'm accepted for who I am and people who cares for me.'

Okay, it's not with a nonchalant tone but I was deeply touched when I heard those words directed at me. I feel accepted again. I mean, how many times have you heard those words? Somehow, I don't hear it frequently. Maybe it's due to growing up in an Asian culture where feelings aren't openly shown and as far as I can remember, the only indications my parents gave when they know I'm home are:

"Orh"

I'm not saying that I do not feel love from them but it just so happens that whenever I return home, they're busy with work or so and maybe within a family, it doesn't seem that important to say such greetings.

But I'm telling ya, it makes a difference!

Try saying these words to the next family member when they reach home. I'm not saying that it will have an impact on them immediately where a spotlight suddenly shines on you but it will slowly affect them. But if the next family member is an irritating sibling, you can skip it. Pssft. >.> I doubt I'll ever say it to my brother.

Alright! Ignore that last piece of 'advice'. Be nice to everyone, even if it's an irritating brother sibling. 

I wanted to do this post up earlier but I was kinda of overwhelmed with feelings. Somehow I'm a very very emotional person which is both a good and bad thing. More on that next time. So why overwhelmed?

Hearing someone said that he/she has never given up on me was and that was because he/she knew I would eventually find my way back. That was enough to make my tears fall. 

Upon hearing those words, I didn't know what to say. I feel like just saying thanks would not suffice at all. But deep down, I know what I have to do. Be there for them just as they are for me and most importantly, do not disappoint the people who care so much for me again. 

I've felt quite lost at times, being caught up in the hectic life of a undergraduate and feeling like life is just all about academic. Remember what I said about finding back who i really am, the crazy, fiery & 'blunt' person in my birthday post? I think I'm able to start on that search mission again.

Somehow, I feel like the prodigal son who has just returned home. He returned home not because he had nowhere to go, but because he knew that deep down, there is no place like home. As cliche as it sounds, this is what I'm feeling right now.

Whazznots I've been up to~

And with that, the long weekend is over. 

Sigh~

But then, this weekend was really fulfilling for me! And I shall tell you why it was so.

I spent Good Friday at Ban Theng's Birthday Celebration which was BBQ style and he managed to roped quite a few of us as his slaves for that day, especially poor Sherwin who had to be the chauffeur for his goods. Tsk tsk.

Random picture of me going out~ 

Dyed my hair the night before. I don't think it's as golden/bright as before but it's not the colour that I had hoped for. T^T

Met Ban, Kim Kai, Theam Huat & Sherwin earlier to go prep some stuff, like the setting up of fire.

Which was really hilarious as the night before, the few of us were discussing what was the quickest way to set up the fire.......... and the convo contains bits & pieces of 

- Burning newspaper

- Lots of google links

- Collecting twigs for the BBQ

- Going to MRT station & collect all the Today newspaper (ok, that was a lame joke by me. =3=)
- Some doughnut fire setting technique.

But ya, you get the point. =.=

And in the end, the one who set up the fire was..... 

None other than Ban' mum. LOL!

And while she was setting up one BBQ pit, you can just turn around and see 5 guys huddled over the other pit trying to set the fire/maintain it. LOL. 

Auntie FTW! 

Hahahaha! In the end, Auntie managed to set it up faster I think.

Guys hard at work~

Birthday boy being busy~

Me enjoying my eye-power seat & Kinder Joy~

Don't you think the Chrysanthemum tea looks like cooking oil?

Lovely marshmallows cooked by KK~ *yums*

Ban's 1 year 3 days of milo supply & Milo balloon from Shaun & Katie!

 Look at how happy Ban is grinning. Hahahaha!

 Apparently the two of them had to go compete with lots of small kids to get the balloon. Hahahah! EFFORT!

And of course, it wouldn't do to end off the celebration without some alcohol which Sherwin has so generously provided and poured. Hahahaha!

Look at the line of people waiting to have a toast with the birthday boy! 

And there's where it ends, at least for this blog post. *winks*

All in all, it was a really great day, being able to meet up with lots of people I've not seen for some time and also knowing some new ones. That's all from me for now regarding Part I of my long weekend, stay tuned for Part II though I have no idea when that will be. Muahahahaha!

Hope everyone had a great rest during the weekend & is all fired up for this week!

*Wooosh*

OH GOSH! I'M A WORRIER!

Alright, if you guys followed me on Twitter, you would have seen my tweet regarding me having a mild case of GAD & OCD.

Mild, that's what I think.

So what's GAD & OCD?

Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is a pattern of frequent, constant worry and anxiety over many different activities and events. 
(http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001915/)

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviors that make them feel driven to do something (compulsions).
(http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001926/)

Alright, I just googled them and those were the 1st links shown. Hahaha! But essentially, they were what I was learning about in Psychology class today.

During my readings, I read about GAD & didn't think much of it until Prof made us do a quiz to see if we're a worrier. Out of 13 points, majority of the people scored like 1, 0.7 and the highest I knew was a 4. Which implied that they weren't worriers. Can you guess my score?

.

.

.

.

.

8.34!!

I was like, "I'm screwed".

And right above my depressing score of 8.34 was a line from my Prof which goes:

If your score is 7 or above, you have a lot of worries.  You may be at risk for GAD.  You should seek advice and further assessment from the SMU Counseling Center.

Needless to say, I got teased badly by my friends after that.

So I was wondering, do I really worry that much? There were 4 main things that I listed down in my 'worry list' which were my studies, family, friends & future.

Don't people worry about them??!!

Gosh! And to add on to this 'discovery', when reading up about OCD, I realize I have a few compulsive behaviours. Like checking my bag repeatedly to ensure my wallet is there and pushing the door several many times to ensure it's lock. Small case, but I should just remind myself not to let it increase.

So for those people who were really concerned & messaged me, don't worry, it's just an official diagnosis from Dr. Jo. Hahahaha!

Anyway, just read something on my bestie blog and wanted to share! So sweeeeeeeet! And please, do not upload those old neoprints. I'll faint on the spot. Even looking at them, I think I will. (I'm your faithful stalker too! =P)

Tomorrow is my last day of school! Woohoo! Then it will be a week of studying before going for the final sprint: Finals! It's all gonna be over on 19th April! After that, I'm going to enjoy my summer!!

But before that, FINALS....=.=

Shall amuse myself with hairdye tomorrow~ Have shortlisted on a few colours but not really sure which one to go for~ Oh well, you get to see it tomorrow on Twitter I guess. Heehee!

Shall go off & rehearse my final presentation. Before that, shall share a small lame joke I made. (My friends insisted that it was a sign of GAD in me. Pssft!)

*Jo & Jian Hui queuing up for awesome pasta @ SMU*
*Pasta Stall Auntie recognizes us as people who always choing down during break to dapao food*

Jian Hui: 1 Carbonara please.
Pasta Stall Auntie: Ok! *scribbles order*
*JH pays*
Jo: Auntie, 1 Carbonara!
Pasta Stall Auntie: Oh, you two are together right!
Jo: Nope, we're not together but you can put our orders together! *smiles*

*Friends at the back face-palmed and die*

If you don't get the joke......... Well, I hope you do get the joke.

Hahahahah! It was pretty funny! Gonna miss my group mates a lot! Alright, more from me soon! Jaa~

One of my moods..

Been feeling downcast-ed recently. Have no idea why.

Alright, that might be a lie. I think I know the reason why but just refused to face the truth.

Maybe it's also due to my lack of sleep that's causing this. I've been sleeping only a few hours a night. Sometimes, it can be like 1 hour, if it's good, I can get 3 hours of sleep. I have no idea why but sleep seems to be evading me. If I do fall into slumber, dreams plagued me.

Hopefully all of this will soon be washed away.

Shall share a few stuff here~

Songs that have recently captured me in some way or another, mainly the lyrics.

Beyoncé - Poison

Avril Lavigne - Wish You Were Here

Sorry for such an emo post, I promise I'll try my best to cheer up and make this into an happy blog again!

P.S. Thanks to all who showed their concern & tried to cheer me up. <3 ~

Something that I chanced upon in FaceBook today. Felt it was quite a good description of how I am. Don't take it seriously yea~

By the way, it's in Chinese so Google Translate might be your good friend if you're interested. :)

【巨蟹座】 (6月22日 - 7月23日)

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=419584391390065&set=a.419579108057260.117610.151523654862808&type=3&theater

当巨蟹低下头跟你道歉，当巨蟹为你放下冷漠，当巨蟹为你流眼泪，当巨蟹为你做傻事，当巨蟹为你疯狂，当巨蟹为你冷落朋友，当巨蟹为你收敛霸道脾气，当巨蟹不断关心你，当巨蟹因为你喜怒无常；他放下了尊严、放下面子、流出眼泪还默默忍受：这是巨蟹爱你爱到骨子裡。

有时候，巨蟹希望时间停下，就这样和喜欢的人地老天荒；有时候，巨蟹发现身边的人都不瞭解自己，面对身边的人，突然觉得说不出话；有时候，在自己脆弱的时候，想一个人躲起来，不愿别人看到自己的伤口；有时候，巨蟹突然很想逃离现在的生活，想不顾一切收拾简单的行李去流浪。

巨蟹座一生都在寻找和等待一个懂自己的人。当被人误解、被人呵斥，蟹蟹只双眼噙满泪水或保持沉默，不愿意解释。因为蟹蟹一直相信如果你爱我，那必须懂我。所以蟹蟹在一些人眼裡会显得有点儿敏感，有点多愁善感。很多时候蟹蟹很想有个依靠，去理解蟹蟹，去对蟹蟹说：我懂你。

如果你爱上了巨蟹座，请你想清楚，
你是否会用尽全力爱上她的全部。
她的哭，她的笑，她的任性，她的敏感；
她的纠结，她的宽容，她的善良，她的温柔；
她的依赖，她的自私，她的天真，她的粗心；
她的疯狂，她的安静，她的情绪化，还有她同样用尽全力爱上你的全部的那颗心。

这个带著母性光辉的巨蟹是个有著浓浓怀旧情感的星座，至少要让他们感受到真切的情意，如果一再的暗示，等待似乎也成了无限期，对方还是没有什麼表示，那麼，他们也就不再说什麼了，因为是说出来后再给予的只会是要来的温柔，已失去了原本的意义，沉默的伤心，再悄悄的走了。
有时候超爱说话、有时候可以一整天不说话高兴的时候会拚命说话、不高兴的时候一句话也不说巨蟹座最注重的就是安全感希望被保护、却常常还是一个人。

巨蟹座很爱面子、遇到喜欢的人不会轻易地表露出来，除非你先表明心意、你永远都不知道、其实巨蟹也一直喜欢你。
巨蟹座们很爱朋友、无论和谁都能好在一起，所以请你别背叛巨蟹，因为巨蟹很容易哄、很容易就会原谅你的过错。

巨蟹座的孩子：
有点笨、有点疯、有点傻。
有时神经很大条、对朋友很真心。
面对爱情、怕受伤、爱逃避。
有时会很绝情、却还是心软。
很懒、怕孤独、爱安静、爱吃东西。

巨蟹座的人往往有点可爱、有点任性。
心计不多、闹完了不记仇的，心胸宽广、只是别激怒他。
他的热情可以把你融化，他会用偽装的冷漠和麻木吓退所有的追求者、只有真正懂的人才可以珍惜，为了爱、他可以放下所有的骄傲。

巨蟹很爱家、很念旧，不容许别人侵犯他的地盘，内向、把自己的心事埋在心底，但能成为别人倾诉的对像，习惯自己去面对自己的问题，胸部不是很平坦、就是很丰满，心情像月亮、常变化。

巨蟹平时总是嘻嘻哈哈、什麼都无所谓，可转过头、笑容裡分明有几分无奈。电话那头千嚀万嘱巨蟹、而回答总是＂我很好＂我没事＂放心吧＂。

巨蟹一个人呆著就会莫名其妙的想发呆、不知道想些什麼、又好像什麼也没想，总想找一个人倾诉、可是真有那麼一个人时、却又不知从何说起。

巨蟹座很恋旧情，内心设防较严重，很专情，真的喜欢一个人的话可以喜欢很久。生活态度很认真，感情略微有些慢热。一旦受伤后会记住很久，不容易癒合，但是会隐藏自己的内心，如果积攒了过多情绪的话，有可能会在一瞬间爆发。倾向於幽默的言语表达，信唸经常会随著现实的转变而变化。

巨蟹很容易恋爱、也很容易不爱，在他们心裡会有一个很爱的人、这个人对他们很重要！他们像个病人一样爱著这一个他很爱很在乎的人，就算他们不适合、没有在一起、巨蟹还是会爱也不会轻易放弃，因为他们很难找到一个他们很爱的人，他们对自己不好、有自虐倾向、但是他们却对自己在乎的人很好。
偏执、认定了的事就不会改变，也很内向、心中的话绝对不会说出口，他很难去真正相信一个人、永远孤独，告诉别人我很好、心中的苦自己才知道。

永远活在壳裡的胆小鬼，所以..巨蟹座的人很奇怪..