Always in my heart..

The cremation for my grandma was held today. Though she's gone physically, I know that one day, I'll see her again in Heaven.

Thanks for taking care of me all this time.
Thanks for everyone's care and concern.

The day she left...

Without any warning or sign, she left us.

By the time I knew, the doctor told my parents she was gone.

I didn't manage to say goodbye.

When I heard the news, I cabbed back home to wait. After that, I cabbed down to NUH to see her 1 last time before she was moved.

Throughout the journey, I can't stop my tears. They just kept flowing. I wanted to call Xiang Min but I knew I can't and I won't. He was working and also I knew, I would just cry louder and harder. I'm feeling better now. Thanks to my church friends who came over just now and my family. But whenever I look at my room, it feels quiet and empty. I know she's back with the Lord and I'm thankful she had a painless departure.

She took care of me when I was young, my playmate in my childhood, my hokkien teacher and of course, my naggy and protective grandmother. She's gone now. Her death has impacted me much more than I thought it would, much more than my maternal grandmother, as I guess, she was close to me when I was young.

Flashbacks are running through my head and I keep remembering our past conversations and talks. I'm glad she led an healthy life and did not suffer a long painful death.

2 pictures of us when we were young.

Goodbye Popo.

Aging.

Upset upset upset. It hurts me to be unable to do anything to ease her pain. From a strong woman to behave in this manner now, it was something I didn't foresee, nor I felt she had foreseen that one day, this would happened to her. My paternal grandma. She's much closer to me than my maternal grandma seeing as she lives with me and took care of me since young. But now, looking at her, it really hurts me. Though I'm grateful that she has no medical condition, but I believe that old age is causing her pain through the weakening of her legs and body. She's crying and mumbling to herself everyday. Even after talking to her, letting her know we're there, she still continues. There doesn't seems to be anything we can do for her except to continue to care for her and talk to her.

Sometimes, aging is a scary thing to me. Seeing both my once-healthy grandmothers falling to sickness and old age makes me think more about my own future aging. If I ever get the chance, I hoped to live till around 70+. And die peacefully. That will be good. I don't want to wish to live a really long life till 80 or 90. Just enough time to enjoy myself after retirement will be good. But, I'm thinking too far I guess, Whahahahaha...

Okie, just wanted to let off some frustrations here. Back to my movies~ Oh! And Happy Mid-Autumn Festival to all! XDD

Natsu is over!~

Woots! Natsu Matsuri 2009 is over!~ I had a great time there. It was really fun and took quite a few pictures with everyone. Hahas. It was certainly fun and great! XDDD

Though I felt a bit seh seh in the morning after the cremation of my grandma, but I felt better later on. On that, I would like to thank you guys for coming down. Sorry that you all had to wait, but really thanks for coming too. Really appreciated it. =)

I shall skip posting about the minor details. Hahas. Anyway, thanks to lots of people for helping my get ready. For my nails and hair~! Thanks Trixy, Gerry, Selphie and Wendy for helping with my nails. Hahas.. I felt so tai tai-ish. =P And also Yvonne for helping me with my hair! Thanks so much. It stayed throughout the whole performance. Whahahaha. Thanks so much!

After practising for a while, we all had a break and I walked round the stores with XM, looking at the food. Bought mainly drinks, some cheesy food, sushi and candy floss (which I only ate the next day, when it hardened). Oh yea, I also got a pikachu fan thanks to Wendy. XDDD Got a black Yoyo from Eileen this year too. Though she seemed a bit seh seh after drinking a little. LOL..

The performance was great. Was pretty nervous throughout it and made mistakes. Could have done better but erally enjoyed it still. Enjoyed the bon-odori too despite being pissed with certain people. Seriously, manners people, manners. Sheesh. Oh well, I enjoyed it still. This year natsu was lots of fun with the people I know. I shall just post the pictures that I have in my camera. Think there are more from their cameras. I only took mine out to take a few. Was too lazy to. XDD Most of the pictures that I have were mainly me taking pics with others individually. I shall just post them on facebook. Hahas. Here are just some group shots.

Just one shot of the event.

The Nobody Nobody group. Hahas.

Group Picture!~ Ardorythmatics @ Natsu 2009

I had lots of fun. More photos in facebook. Okay~ I shall continue my looooong overdue birthday post and pics on the next post. Hahas.Oops. Its really late.

Departures

My grandma passed away this morning in her sleep. My mom's mother. It was a peaceful death and at least, we're glad that she's no longer in pain and in Heaven now. Thanks for the concerns and things. Though my grandma wasn't that close to me, but still, there are memories that I had of her and it was always a kind and concerned image even though at times, it can be frustrating too. Heard the news from my dad about it on the mrt so rushed back home. On the way back, there was sadness in my heart and at times, almost cried but still, had to hold back. Was more worried about my mom. Upon seeing her, felt much better, my mom is glad that grandma got to be released of her suffering and disease and is back in heaven. The wake is just 2 blocks down my house and the cremation is on Saturday morning. So after it, I gotta go off to meet the rest for Natsu.
Feeling much much better now. .^______^.

Anyway, finished my 2nd paper today, it was pretty ok. Not as good as Hbehav but still, for last minute 'studying', quite happy with it. Hahas. Anyway, seems like the exam stress is getting to everyone. Met a weird guy this morning. Guessed he's from SEG, he approached me and a couple of my friends to ask if we were having exams. After which, he continued to tell Silvia on how to prepare for her exam and that she should breathe in deeply before reading her question. Silvia was just looking at the guy. Then the guy proceeds to tell her that he will be behind her all the way and he believes that she can do it. Silvia still giving the stone face. When this was happening, I did not pay much attention and just heard the 'I will be behind you. I will be behind you', thus the curiosity to look and saw this scene. To which, Jun told me that this was not the 1st time he is doing this. And here after we were discussing, the guy happened to spot the 2 of us and pointed our direction. To which, Jun moved away and I became 'interested' in my book. I looked up to see him still staring my direction. And this was what happened:

Weird Guy (WG) *points to Jo*
Jo raises eyebrow.
WG: You.
Jo: Ya.
WG: Just relax, I will be behind you.
Note: I was leaning on the pillar and not studying at all. In a relaxed position.
Jo: Ya. *shrugs and looks back at book*
(WG: I believe you can do it.
Jo: Ya, I know I can do it. Thanks. *waves him off with my hand*) X2

The last part repeated twice before he walked away, to which we all burst out laughing. Oh well, think he's probably under a lot of stress. But that lightened up our moods as we head into the examination hall.

Last paper on Friday. Gotta find time to study. Went down to FEP to get my falsies and glue. Happy~ Able to play with them on Friday and Natsu le. Heex. I can't wait for Friday now. Should probably start going down now. There's a service later.

Wanted to post up some pictures but forgot I was using my dad's laptop. Will post it up once I use my laptop after my exams. Tata~

Happy~ Thanks to him, he made me laugh even though he doesn't know it. XDDD

Grandma

I just visited my grandma. My mom's mother. Though she lives just 6 floors below with my uncle. I seldom get the chance to visit her. Though we weren't very close, but still, there were some memories with her. Didn't get a chance to interact a lot with her but yea. She's growing weaker as the days passed, and when I looked at her, its really a big difference. Talked to her a little just now but she was tired, so gotta let her rest. I just hope that her pain will ease. I really hope she isn't feeling much pain now. Cancer is a scary thing. It drains your life away. Or maybe, old age is a scary thing too.

Praying hard that grandma will not feel much pain now.