Can it get any deeper?

Sometimes I feel like I'm falling deep down a dark tunnel..

Then, just when I thought life couldn't get any worse, I had to take a step and plummet further down..

I know life is full of ups and downs, and when your life has reach a trough, there is no other way for it to go besides upwards.

But what if it just stops there? Like, just stops and stays there? Would you require someone to pull you up?

I guess this is why God made us in a pair. For us to lend each other a helping hand. To pull each other up when we know the person can do so much more than what he/she sees in his/her life.

I longed to reach for those hands to pull me up. They used to be so far away but now, I can't see them anymore. Have I fallen in so deeply that I can't see any light?

I feel like I'm surrounded by a pit of darkness. Maybe it's for the better that I can't grasp any hands, or they might join me in this darkness. Pulled down by me.

What is life without birth, relationships, quarrels, accidents and death?

Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect. - J.K. Rowling

It has been a helluva week.

Quarrels, accidents, deaths. It feels like there are only bad news going around now. I guess I should consider myself fortunate as none of these actually happened to me but then, one can't take mirth in it when your close friends are the ones involved in it.

Death of a loss one. I've been through twice last year when both of my grandmothers passed away. Though we never had the relationship that is often shown in books and envied by many, but I did miss her a lot when she left. Attending a funeral tonight, though I may not know him personally but I do know his family and they are hurting a lot. A sudden death is normally the hardest to accept. No one expected it. Especially not on his birthday. What was supposed to be a night of celebration turned out to be one full of grieving and despair.

Accidents.
I'm a firm believer that nothing happens without a reason. Nothing is just pure coincidence. Fate and destiny are things we can't change in our life. Brings about my life motto:

What is yours is yours. What's not yours, no matter how hard you try, it will never be.

But then, I'm not saying we should just do things recklessly and get ourselves killed out there. Still, we gotta try to protect and prevent unwanted things from happening. Thus I implore each and everyone of us to cherish our own lives and take good care of it. We only have one life. One life to live to the fullest. Would you be satisfied if you die within the next minute? I know I won't be. This thought came about from hearing the death of the person above along with a friend's motorbike accident. Gave me quite a scare and I really hope he recuperates fine. Gonna shake some sense into him when I see him the next time. Stupid chicken!

Quarrels are part and parcel of our lives 'cos there are no two identical persons in the world. So there definitely will be differences in views. The differences in us are not what hinders us apart from others but allow us to learn more about the world through them. There is only so much we can see. But by seeing things from another perspective will open our eyes to countless things.

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.

We all have different priorities in life, thus we see different things. In the end, it's about compromising and learning with each other. We can never finish learning about a person because we are unfathomable creatures.

Of course, not all news are unhappy news. In the midst of these gloomy days, there are a few happy celebrations that passed and others that are coming!

For example, we celebrated Sarah's 21st yesterday at her house with a really INTERESTING theme. Did not take much photos but will blog about it later on. I'm currently still waiting for photos from my 21st! There's also the final movie of Harry Potter, coming out this Thursday which I'm gonna watch in 3D with Leen! Like finally! Been a long time since I've met up with her! I've heard awesome reviews regarding the film since the premiere which took place last week. Can't wait for it!

Well, yes. I'm trying to end off on a happier note. Will be back to blog again soon and hopefully it will start and end on happy events!

Just to bring the festive mood of Harry Potter to all of us!


See ya! Don't miss moi~

Adulthood..

That is a way foreign term to me.

Whenever I think of adulthood or adults in a manner, I picture old men and women in their 30s, 40s, 50s.. oh ya, 50s would be classified under ancient I guess. I guess when I welcome my 20th birthday last year, my time as a willful teenager would soon be gone. Well, technically I'm still considered a youth as the age limit for that is till 35 years old. Hah!

This year was unlike the past few years where I will emo and do up a reflection post just before my birthday. I didn't forget about it. Was planning to do it all along but there were just so many things to settle on the eve of transcension. Kinda of glad of it. It's tiring to just think through your life and grimace at all those silly and idiotic things you did in your life. Of course, not all that I did were bad, there were moments where I wished I had videotaped them down just to keep them replaying in my mind. Moments where I felt so happy, feelings that were expressed and relationships that I have lost and found. Through the course of life, there were many choices of paths given to me at different points of time in my life. I could have taken any of them, but the ones I chose were the ones that led me to where I am and who I am now. I'm not proud of all that I've done. I'm human and I make mistakes though it is not an excuse for me to continue making them. But since this is life and it goes on, no point for me to harp and think 'What if I chose that other path?'. There's absolutely no point in that because in the end, you'll never know. Simply because you can't turn back and undo the things you've done. This is reality, not some fantasy where you have a time-turner like Hermione Granger and use it to go back in time.

The only thing I can do after choosing my path is to persevere in it. Be it an easy path or one fraught with difficulties, I chose it. I gotta go on with it. Saying it sounds way easier than executing it out in real life. There are times where I just feel like giving up. When I feel that the end or what I'm pursuing are not worth overcoming the obstacles coming my way. Though I love to say that there is always someone who urges me not to give up and pulled me through all those times, I can't. I mean, I know that God is always there for me, but there are also times where I know he let it happened to me, so as to make me stronger through the tribulations he gave.

God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability - 1 Corinthians 10:13

I recently mentioned this verse to Jovan but it just seems hard to continue believing in it at times. There are indeed times where I gave up. Not proud of it but since it's done, learn the lesson and move on. Of course there are people in my life who did pull me up and straighten me. To them, I'm utterly grateful. Sometimes, they might not know the effect of their actions in my life, my choices but I know and for that, gratitude is one of the things I can give them.

As this blog is so aptly named, The Ups & Downs of jO. There are always moments that made us cherish life and times where we just want to give up. I do hope that there is more of the former for all of us but who am I kidding? Hahaha! Not being cynical but it's life.

Life is just like a box of chocolates you will never know what you will get. - Forrest Gump

Even if you get a type of chocolate that you really dislike, it won't deter you from trying again. Unless you hate chocolates. Well, I know I don't.

Every year, every month , every week, every day causes a turn in my life. Sometimes the turns are bigger, sometimes they seem trivial. Turns that are bigger normally have to do with relationships while turns that seem trivial might be anything! A new acquaintance you meet today might turn out to be a very important person to you in the future. You never know. Life is full of surprises. Some people might hate surprises as they do not know what to expect while others relish it. I'm of the latter. Be it good or bad surprises, it's definitely a change to my life. Well, I'm a person who can't stand a mundane lifestyle so it might be refreshing for me. =D

This part is what I've been contemplating about.. a lot. The past year has been one that sent me crashing. I took a path, turning away from some people. Certain choices were made and consequences were what I had to face. In the end, it was my choice. My 20th year wasn't a pretty one. Truthfully speaking, starting out as a freshman in SMU was one of my struggles. I knew no one and I had no one. People seemed different there and unknowingly, I pushed people with my 'aura' I guess. With my way of dressing, thinking and actions, I felt like a misfit. Thank goodness, I still managed to meet some really awesome people and made some friends.But I took a wrong step. And things collapsed. Not the way I want things to turn out but can't say I didn't expect it. Though in my heart, I wished it was not this way. But what's done is done, no matter how it is, I can't forget my memories and I don't wish to as they are what formed the person I am today. As I always seem to have a nostalgic streak in me, there are definitely times where I would mull over my life, with a smile on my face.

Last Sunday, I bade farewell to my 20th self and welcomed 21st and adulthood with open arms. As much as I wished to say I've matured overnight on my birthday, we all know it's bullshit. Hahaha! Though acknowledging it is the first step to it. I do hope that my life as a 21st year old will be one full of bitter chocolates for me. (Bitter is the opposite for me. I adore bitter chocolate. So it means I want sweetness for my life ok?) One where I will discover more about myself again. I find that I'm losing myself in the past year. Somehow, I got reminded by old friends in regards to that. Gotta find the crazy, fiery & blunt person that has hidden in me for some time. The person that people used to look up too and had crazy fun. Though I guess I have to tone down on the craziness. Hahaha! I know this post seems emo but it's just an annual post. Once a year~ =D

Year 20 might seem like a dreadful year for me and making me seem contemptuous of life but it isn't so. There were definitely high moments last year and it is one that I've learned several valuable lessons of. One of which is to give all my friends a chance no matter how bad things seem. Note: Friends, not just anyone. I mean if I consider you as my friend, I'll definitely do this. Otherwise, there will always be this nagging thought deep down in my mind. Friends listen and don't judge, no matter what happened. Even if they judge, at least they gave it a chance. I've learned how important that is for me thus I'm hoping to be there for my own friends if they need me.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

With an ending note, I'm thoroughly grateful for all the friends I have. Some that were reminded to me through my past year and some that I've just known.

So this is the end of jO's reflection of her year 20. Emo and slightly longer than usual but then again, writing and blogging is a way for me to express. I promise happier posts will be out soon. Especially posts about my 21st celebration! =D

P.S. Thanks for all the wishes that I've gotten on my 21st and also the people who made that night an awesome and memorable one!

THANK YOU!

When the night falls, loneliness comes knocking..

.
.
.
.
.
.

Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.

All I Want...

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth my birthday is....


I really have no idea.

Yes, truly.

Normally I would be looking forward to my gifts. However this year, I can't seem to think of anything I really want. No matter how hard I think, nothing seems to come to mind.

Many have been asking me what would I like to get and the 1st time I was faced with that question, I froze. I really had no idea what I would like this year.



What's different this year is that I'm able to celebrate my birthday with most of my friends. Friends from different cliques who all gave me special and unique memories. Memories that I will forever cherish. Knowing that they are able to make it for this special day makes me really happy. I'm glad that they are taking time to come down and it will also be a time where we can catch up with each other too. Looking so damn forward to that day! XDD

As said in previous posts, been doing up the preparations for my celebration and glad to say it's almost done.

Caterers - Checked!
Cake - Checked!
Dress - Checked!
(Thanks Jon for accompanying me to shop. I know it's torture to you. Heex)
Games - Checked!
(Yay! Thanks to Nicky & Denise for their rockband & Wii! :D)

All I'm left is to do/design the guest book (OH! The horror of me designing it! Gasp!), some decorations and loads of balloons!! XD

Anyway, thinking through, I kinda of know what I really want but I guess I'll get it on my own with any spare money from my salary. Yeaps, I have already decided how I'm gonna spend my salary. Not shopping, but on activities that I've wanted to try! Planning to go for diving and horseback riding this coming semester and I have kaki to go along! Wheee! Finally going to go sign up for them this year.

Oh yea, back to the topic.

I'm hoping to change my camera. Had this old camera for around 4 years? I think. Bought it from my Dad when he got his new camera so I guess it's almost time for me to change a new one. Been grumbling about my sucky camera for a year but never had the cash to change it. Maybe my salary would allow me to finally get it done. XD Hopefully a Lumix. Saw Sean's Lumix last year when we were on our Vietnam trip and it was really nice. Dang! Am so jealous. Hahaha!

Though I guess if I can't get the camera, I'll settle for my charm bracelet. DIY! Planning to go to Arab street and buy the different charms from there! Got my eyes on a few for quite some time so I shall go down 1 day to get it done. That's if if I'm not lazy. =p

Anyway, that's about all I guess. Oh, left out my Mom. Though she gets on my nerves most of the times but she's always making me laugh. Not just at her silly-ness and actions, but also how I'm always on her mind. She went to KL for a short trip recently and while going on a mad shopping spree, she spotted some kind of eyelash treatment that supposedly makes your eyelash grow much longer. So she called back immediately asking if I want and that it's really nice. For a woman who had little interest in makeup, ok, practically no makeup at all, it's warming to see her keeping a look out for things that I like.

In the end, she said she'll buy it as a present to me and when I asked her are there instructions, she said that she's unsure but to make sure I know how to use it, she'll ask the sales lady for a video demonstration. Upon hearing that, I burst into laughter thinking of the predicament that sales lady must be in. Hahahahaha!

Okay, guess that's about all and once again I'm blogging live in my office, thus no pictures 'cept for the ones I took from Google!

1 more day till Friday & it's the weekends! :D

Guilty as charged~

Yes, I know I said I'll be updating soon.. so here I am, surrendering myself.

Guilty as charged!

I guess my updates will be coming up soon. Hopefully. Maybe I'll set it as my birthday resolution for this year? XDD

Anyway, have been really busy these past weeks, between work, gaming, friends, gaming, family and gaming. Hahahaha!

So many places I'm dying to go for the summer, so many things I wanna do but without $$$ [kaching], I'm stuck to my office chair~

Nonetheless, I still have some bishies to keep me company~

Tadaaaaaa:
Hazuki Kei!



He's absolutely loveeee!


Yeaps, I'm playing Tokimeki again~ Stopped for quite some time before I continued. Replaying now to try to get my happy ending with him. Think it's working. XDD

And look at the child version of him! Cute to the max!

When I 1st heard his voice, I knew the seiyuu was the one that voiced Momiji in Furuba~

Seriously, all of Hazuki's scenes are full of blush moments and it's making me fangirl~ I had to keep in mind where I am when I'm playing. Wouldn't want people to think I'm crazy or so.. especially since I often play on the MRT.

There are many more guys in the game which I've yet to explore or fall in love with them. Update more next time!

Recently, I've been catching up on my manga and Gakuen Alice never fails to make me tear.

It's the last arc now and every chapter I read, I'll just cry. Sobs. But it's good. Can't wait to know the ending. Endings are always bittersweet, don't you think. You can't wait to know how it ends, but when it ends, you wish it hadn't. That's how I've always felt. Especially when Ouran ended~

OH OH OH! Speaking of Ouran, I totally can't wait for this July!!!!


Guess what? Ouran is finally gonna be a live action series!

*jumps in joy*

WHEEEE! I'm going to glue myself to subbing sites and wait for the latest release. Finally, after 3 years, the live action is coming out! Seems like there is a change of cast. Horikita Maki is not Haruhi. Damn~ Was looking forward to her playing. But oh wells~ I hope the drama will do justic to the anime. XDD


Anime anime~

Does anyone have any good anime to introduce? Haven't been catching up on the new titles that are out. Lemme know yea? Formspring, comment, anything. Gonna take down that stupid tagboard since it's full of spam. Sheesh~

Oh, just remembered another awesome piece of news! Harry Potter 7 Part 2 is coming out in JULY! July is gonna be an awesome month! I managed to catch the trailer on the big screen when I was watching Kung Fu Panda 2 with Eugene, Hui Ying & Jon. I was literally fangirling then~ Can't wait to see it! In the trailer, there was a glimpse of Snape's past. I can tell I'm gonna tear at that part. Shan't say anything else in case there are people who have yet to read the book!

My 2 favourite characters~

Enough of my fandom & all~

Been trying to settle the stuff for my 21st Birthday Celebration. Ahhh!~ I think I'm seriously stumped. I have no idea what type of cake to order and where to order it from. Any suggestions? Should I get a normal cake with quirky designs or should I get a 2-tier? And also catering! I've not checked out the menus that I have in my hand. I don't even have to start ranting on how I've yet to think of the decorations.

Poof, I'm pooped.

So if you guys have any suggestions on cakes or decorations do let me know? I'm going to need all the help I can get. Eeeks!

Okie! I shall end of here. I will really get into my head to start blogging again. Like I said in my previous post, I have loads of old old posts stuck here. =p

Tata for now! XD

Dusty!

HEYO!

*coughs* Dusty.. *coughs*

Gosh! It's been a looooooong time since I've been back. Had been swamped with school, CCA, friends, games and now work!

No worries, I'll be back soon and gonna bombard this place with loads of posts! Hahahaha! Shall not procrastinate and start blogging again~

Got new gadgets and back from my holiday trip too! Will update more next time~

Don't miss me!

xoxo~

Hey Diary,

Sometimes, do you feel like the people you hoped to know you best, or thought they knew you best turns out differently? Does it hurt for you?

Well, in the beginning, it hurt a lot for me. After going through some ugly times, I thought I'm experienced, it wouldn't hurt anymore.. or maybe, not as much. But till today, after him, he seems to have a way with words. Especially in hurting me. Sometimes I wished not to explain cos I hoped with all my heart he was able to understand me. Understand my actions and where I was coming from. I thought he knew. But after the incidents of tonight, I doubt. In fact, he knew who I really am. Sometimes I can't help thinking that he only cares for himself. Or rather, he is the main priority. Not that it is wrong, but I think I don't stand anywhere near it. He says he loves me, but sometimes, why do I feel more pain in this relationship more than I ever have in any. Maybe it's finally I got my wish? Wish for someone who is smarter than me. Guess the saying is true: Be careful what you wish for.

Well, I don't wish to see a broken me. So I will want to stand by what I think. I'm not going to repeat the same mistakes as I did with Bryan. I really don't. But it's really hard and he's not making things any easier. Maybe, just maybe, we aren't suited for each other?

I though we were, but now? I really don't know.

Love bites~

Check out my love bites that my darling bow gave me today~

Wooohoo~

Had to increase poundage for my bow and also add a few extra stuff like stabilizer and all! Heavvvyyy~ But got slightly used to the weight now. XDD

On the other hand, I am sooo freaking tired but I can't sleep yet as I've yet to finish studying for my quiz later!

KILL MEEEE!!!!

But enough procrastination and back to studies now~ Catch up soon! XDD

Nom-Nom!

YOOHOO!!

Just a short post here! Had to share with you this amazingly addictive snack I've recently got my hands on.

Maybe I'm slow or what but who cares, this snack is awesome!!

Presenting to you:

SPICKY!


Super awesome snack! Nice and easy to sneak into class as it can pass off as a pencil.... I think?

It's by the Glico, the same brand that came up with Pocky, so that settles the awesomeness of it!

Nom nom nom! I've been so addicted to it ever since I got introduced to it! XDD


There are 3 different flavours I think. Original, Sour cream & Cheese. Have tried all flavours but Orginal is still my favourite. Cheese ain't too bad but I don't really like the sour cream. Super duper salty! Not my type!

And it's a good reason to camwhore! The potato looks damn cute! =D


Eskimo bubble tea to go along with Spicky!


I've shared with you my favourite awesome snack so now it's your turn! What's your favourite snack?


And P.S. As you can see, my hair length is still the same~ =p

Beach Shoot!

Finally here with my post regarding the beach shoot I did with Leen, Kuromi and Haru, along with Fariz who is the photographer for that day~

Was just supposed to be Leen & Kuromi's casual shoot and I was just there for the sand, sun and joy of it as well as to be Leen's lifeguard for the day.

Camwhore before leaving the house!

Apologies for my horrible mirror~

I feel like Mickey Mouse with my shades on.
O.O


Shoot was at Sentosa which was a place that I had yet to seep my feet in for a loooooong time! Cabbed there as I thought I was late...


...but as usual, Leen would be later.


Could not resist doing this as I was waiting..

C'mon~ I was boreeddd! =p

Finally the two late queens arrived and whilst they were getting ready, I was busy too! Busy camwhoring and disturbing them!




Spastic-ism!





FINALLY done and off to Sentosa! (Like finally)


It's been ages since I've been there and I totally felt so noob when I found out that you can use EzLink for the monorail. (yes, you can stop laughing at me now~)

SENTOSA!!


Along with Fariz, Kuromi, Haru and Leen!

Haru was feeling camera shy that day~ =(

No photos from Fariz as one, I was mainly lazing around and soaking in the sun and two, have yet to receive the photos from Leen too! Therefore, all photos here are from my iPhone taken here and there when we were bored~




My current wallpaper now~




Pardon the background~ =p


RAWR!~


Much loves to Leen for all these shots!


After that few shots, I was totally tired out and just flopped myself on this awesome rock~

And this is where something amusing occurred.

Some tourists with scarily mega DSLR came to the area and as I felt that tingly feeling that someone was staring, I opened one eye to find those DSLRs pointing right in my direction~ Hahahaha! Oh wells, they were pretty nice and came over to show me the shots they took of me. Found out they were from Romania after chatting and discussing the tourist traps in Singapore. Pretty cool to hear about Romania from them and it sounds like a place I would love to visit in the future~ ^___^

After stoning on the rock for quite some time, Leen and Kuromi came and invaded it for their shoot too and pried me out of my comfy throne~ Went to sink my feet in the cooling water where we did some crazy shots too~

Jumpshots!

Love the water effect~

There's some monkey business going on in here~


Was really tired after this whole shoot though most of the time I was just lazing around.

It was definitely refreshing to get this short break and enjoy the sun right after coming back from Vietnam. (Yes, contrary to popular belief, I do not stay indoors in order to remain white. >.>)

Went off to meet Jon who finished his archery training~ On a side note, I'm joining the Archery Club in SMU~ Yes, Little Miss Lazy has finally decided to actually join a club~ Hahahaha! I wonder how will archery and I get along. =p Jon is really excited about me joining though. Heex~

Okie! Ending off this post now as my Biz Law class comes to an end for today! Woohooo! Apologies for the delay and hope to see you guys around! Tata for now!