Thursday, May 5, 2011

Hey Diary,

Sometimes, do you feel like the people you hoped to know you best, or thought they knew you best turns out differently? Does it hurt for you?

Well, in the beginning, it hurt a lot for me. After going through some ugly times, I thought I'm experienced, it wouldn't hurt anymore.. or maybe, not as much. But till today, after him, he seems to have a way with words. Especially in hurting me. Sometimes I wished not to explain cos I hoped with all my heart he was able to understand me. Understand my actions and where I was coming from. I thought he knew. But after the incidents of tonight, I doubt. In fact, he knew who I really am. Sometimes I can't help thinking that he only cares for himself. Or rather, he is the main priority. Not that it is wrong, but I think I don't stand anywhere near it. He says he loves me, but sometimes, why do I feel more pain in this relationship more than I ever have in any. Maybe it's finally I got my wish? Wish for someone who is smarter than me. Guess the saying is true: Be careful what you wish for.

Well, I don't wish to see a broken me. So I will want to stand by what I think. I'm not going to repeat the same mistakes as I did with Bryan. I really don't. But it's really hard and he's not making things any easier. Maybe, just maybe, we aren't suited for each other?

I though we were, but now? I really don't know.

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