Chinese Songs~

Yes, you did not read wrong. I'm sharing a Chinese song here. I've been listening to more Chinese songs since I started working. There are quite a few songs that I really like so here are two of them. Same title, but different artistes.

Both songs are titled 暗恋 which is secretly admiring or having a crush on someone. 

Here's 暗恋 by 陶喆.

暗恋 by 張智成 

May these songs bring the same bitter-sweet feelings to you as they have brought to me. 

Upon returning to Singapore, I'm brought back to reality. I thought I cleared my thoughts when I was in Bangkok but apparently not. Going to bed is now like a double-edged sword. Before I actually fall asleep, I have to battle with my thoughts which are armed with sadness and pain. But when I finally conquer that, most of the time I get pleasant dreams as a reward.

However, in the end, it doesn't matter. 'Cos no matter how nice and how realistic the dream was, when the time comes, I wake up and realize, it was only just a dream. Ahh~

I want to travel again. I guess, only when I'm travelling, I'm able to put down these thoughts. I need to travel. It might not be the solution, but it is the painkiller for me now. (So 'cheesy' & cliche. Whahahaha!)

All in all, I need to travel soon. A short getaway seems lovely.
Meh~

I'm flying off!

After months, weeks, days of countdown, I'm finally flying off to Bangkok tomorrow! 

WOOHOOO! 

Excited to the max for my trip this time round. Few reasons why I'm so hyped up. 

1) I'm travelling again. (Duh) 

I think I have been bitten by the travel bug since secondary school. One of my resolution is to travel to a new country every year, or a country that I love going back to. So this time, Bangkok is the place for me. Or it might be Taiwan for this December. 

2) Travelling with my awesome sisters this time round! 

Have known Xin Ru, Xin Yi & Xin Lei since we were kiddos. Though we have been friends/sisters for so long, we've never really been on a trip like this together! Xin Lei & I shall be lovely light bulbs this time round. Xin Ru's boyf is stationed in Bangkok while Xin Yi's boyf is also travelling with us. 2 couples & 2 single ladies. Never mind, Xin Lei shall be my temporary boyf. Whahaha! Really looking forward to spending time with them!It's just too bad Joy & Jean couldn't join us this time round. But then, there will always be a next time ya!

3) Bangkok = Shopping Paradise!

YES! SHOPPING! I've kinda of cold turkey-ed myself from shopping for quite some time. So I have a feeling I might go crazy there. Hehe~ I'm bringing a really large EMPTY luggage there. So yea, gonna fill it to the brim. And if I don't shop, means I have no clothes to wear for the rest of the time I'm there. 

4) Away from family

As much as I adore my family, sometimes I just wish to get away from the dramas and nonsense. This 1 week will be a good time for me to recuperate and be more prepared for whatever stuff they have when I'm back. 

5) Some alone time away from..

Yes, hopefully taking some time away and not being able to see some people will allow me to clear my head and know what I truly want. 'Nuff said.

So tadaa~ I have so many reasons to be excited about tomorrow! Muahaha! Oh! And I forgot to mention, Jas Ang and her boyf will also be travelling to Bangkok this week and we'll be flying back together. And my Penang cousin and her husband will be there too! Super coincidence and uh, yea. Light-bulb again. >.>

Been feeling much happier recently. Maybe it's cos July is here and Natsu is gradually approaching. Means Yukata time! Eeeps! But I know the main reason why. I really feel love from my friends. My dear sisters and my dear 'family'. By this 'family', I do not mean the ones from the No. 4 reasons. They are friends who I feel so thankful to God for putting them in my life. Really grateful to have them. 

I know that in the month of June I have worried quite a few people. People from all different stages of my life in one way or another. I'm sorry if I couldn't speak to you much especially about why I was downcast. I know that maybe just by telling your troubles to others might relieve the burden from my shoulders but I just couldn't do it. I'm really thankful for the concern you guys gave. And I want to thank God for placing this good buddy of mine back in my life. Really. And with this, I should really stop blogging and go settle my Bangkok itty-bitty details. Like printing the boarding pass and all. Jaa! Cya in a week's time! In the mean time, thanks to my friend's constant nagging and bargaining, I've signed up for Instagram in exchange for not bringing my camera to Bangkok. Username is JoXianna! Will be posting up goodies from Bangkok! 

Byebye!

So many things to say..

Was contemplating for a few weeks whether to post this or not. After a talk with a really good buddy who reminded me to not be easily led around by emotions and to always have my brain with me, things became clearer in a certain aspect and I've decided to just take it as it is. But still, this was what that had been 'tormenting' my head in June, making me moodier than ever. But now, I'm feeling much better. So yea, this is just something that I really want to let it out of myself, and maybe, just maybe, put it behind me.

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So many things to say yet I have no idea how or where to start. Fear grips me in the heart as I hesitate. It was not supposed to happen. I don't think I've ever felt so insecure in this aspect before. I have no idea what to do actually. A part of me fears the consequences and the response but against other alternatives, I'm not sure which will be the overall winner.

As a quote I've read recently, "If you love someone, be brave to tell them, otherwise, be brave enough to watch them be loved by someone else. "

But what exactly is love? I wonder really.

"I'm not saying I'm in love. I'm just saying that lately, he's all I think about."

The feelings I have currently definitely exceeds the usual feelings I have for a friend but what exactly are they? Even for this quote, despite telling the person you love them, you might still have to watch them be loved or love someone else. It does not mean that everything will end happily after the confession. I wish it does. Pssft~

"I wanna tell you how I feel, but I'm scared. Scared of you not feeling the same and scared of falling harder."

"Maybe I'm scared because you mean more to me than any other person. You are everything I think about, everything I want."

I really am out of my wits. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do anymore. Sometimes I feel like I'm just head-butting the walls. Or just going straight into a trap knowingly.

Been mulling over this matter for quite some time. I did not want to face my feelings at 1st as I felt I could rid myself of it but it seems like the more I try, the harder it is.

"I think about you all the time. You're always on my mind. Yet I feel like there's nothing I can do about it."

So true. How many countless nights I've spent thinking of you. Thousands of dreams regarding you, regarding us. Sometimes, the dreams just feel so real that upon waking up, I wished so hard that it was real. That it was not a dream but reality. Alas, it wasn't.

Well, I guess I'll follow the motto as I've always done for this aspect. "If its yours, its yours. If its not, no matter how hard you try, it will never be. "

Or maybe I should update it a little with a new quote too.

"If two people are meant to be together, eventually they'll find their way back."

And so I wonder if we're meant to be together. 

Just a song that I wanna share~

Kinda of like this song a lot. Came across this song when I was Youtube-ing. Sometimes I prefer these original songs that the Youtubers come up with due to the lyrics. For me, I really enjoy the the music, her voice and the lyrics. 

Presenting - Baby, I Love You (Tiffany Alvord)

Tears - Happiness & Sadness

I started my birthday with tears and ended with it too.

No, I did not cry the whole day. There's a difference for those 2 tears-fest. 

When the clock striked 12 midnight on 26th June 2012, I felt overwhelmed with sadness and just broke down sobbing. I just sat there and 'stoned' for a really long time before picking myself up and proceeding with my usual activities.

And just, at 11.59pm on 26th June 2012, I started tearing again. This time, the tears came due to the happiness I felt in me. I felt so much love from my friends and without them, I wouldn't have as much fun today! 

I really feel so blessed for having them in my life. I know I've said it on FaceBook and all but I just can't help it. Words just can't seem to express how grateful and blessed I feel towards them. 

This is just a short post and I will update again soon about it~ I'm really tired now but I just feel the need to blog it out 1st! There is no better word to describe this moment than jubilant.

Kimberly, Sarah & Evangeline:

Thank you to my dear girls for coming down. Despite your hectic schedules, you made time for me and I really appreciate it! We're all growing old and in a blink of an eye, we've known each other for almost 10 years. Thanks for always being there for me! 

Danny, Trixy, Xiang Min, Sherwin, Kim Kai, Ban Theng, Wendy, Fook Yu & Steve.

Thanks for coming down today! Really appreciate it and I really really feel so blessed and loved to have you people in my life. I'm really glad to have met you all and thanks for making this such a memorable and awesome day for me. Words really can't express how I feel but still, I'll try my best. May we have many more good years ahead of us! ^^

That's all for now, I'll blog more in detail tomorrow I guess, if I'm not knocked out by tiredness. I think I might finally be able to sleep well, like finally. At least for tonight, I don't want to think so much and just sleep. 

I wonder..

Random short post.

Spend the last 5 minutes of my 21st year underneath my block. Decided not to go home yet. Mulling over certain stuff. Upon reaching home and after exchanging pleasantries with my parents, somehow, I just went straight to my room and watch the rain. 

I don't know why but it just rained. It just did. Maybe it was too sunny earlier, too much vapor or whatsnot collected up in the sky. 

Alrighty~ I shall have a good rest and look forward to the rest of the day. Cheerios~ =)

What am I doing?

I don't know. Truth to be said, I have no idea. Recently, I've realised how easily I can be affected by certain things or people in my life. Good or bad, I have no idea. Depends I guess. 

Been feeling irritated at myself lately.Maybe it's the weather, the boredom, the upcoming even that reminds me of how old I am or maybe, just maybe, I'm blaming it on everything except  that one 'THING'. In short, I believed I know the reason why I'm feeling irritated. Simply 'cos I feel useless for not being able to accomplish such an easy task. 

And there I was, few months ago being all strong headed about independence and living well on my own and now, being pathetic, confused and upset. Over a person.

Yes, I'm mindless ranting but I decided to just try typing it out. I knew I had to do it after I couldn't sleep this morning and realised, "Damn, I'm really affected by these simple damn things!". 

Sometimes, I just wish we can read what's going on in their minds, it might make things so much simpler. On the surface yes, but there are definitely serious consequences to bear if we really managed to do that. 

All in all, I guess after writing this down and stuff, I'm still lying to myself about how or what I feel for that person. 

Déjà Vu?

Recently there's been quite a few changes going on in my life. Some new, some welcomed, some unexpected and somestuff that gave me a déjà vu feeling~

June, somehow my June are always filled with doubts and upset thoughts. Same goes for this June, it did not start well but I enjoyed myself thoroughly today. Going off for a short trip later on and I hope that this will be a trip where I get to relax myself and also clear up some thoughts. Wish me luck in this and I do hope I'll be able to update more when I'm back!

Catch you peeps soon! =D

EXCITED MAX!!!

YESSS!!!!

I'M SUPER DUPER EXCITED NOW!!

WHY WHY!?

I'M GOING BACK TO PENANG IN JUNEEEEEEE!

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!~

Flying up to Penang early June with my Dad and then flying off to Taiwan with my Mum. And that's just for June! Don't forget my Bangkok Trip with the gals in July!~ Woohoooo~

I so love travelling~ Going back to Penang always feel like I'm going back home in another way. Missing the food there so badly. Ban Theng & I will always talk about the delicacies with each other with a T^T face. And now, I finally get to go back there and enjoy~ Only 1 more month to go!

Though I went back last year, but as it was with friends, I did not really manage to visit my relatives there. And it's been a really long time since I went back to Penang with my Dad. We would often wake up really early just to go for breakfast and just hunt for good food. Ahhh~ 

Alright, just wanted to write out my excitement or I doubt I'll be able to sleep~

PENANG!!

Bon Voyage

Summer has barely started and I'm bidding goodbyes to 3 of my dearest friends. 

1) Joy who left for U.S on Monday for a month.

2) Zhi Sen who just flew off today for U.S for 3 months.

3) Kim who's flying off to Thailand tomorrow for 1.5 months. 

Ahh~ All of them are flying off and I'm kinda of 'stuck' here till my overseas trip. 

Went to the airport today with Ban Theng to send Zhi Sen off~

*sobs*

Here's wishing a safe trip for all of them and may they have a blast there! =D

Was planning to work till end of June for this summer to ensure I don't just idle my time away but then Dad proposed an idea - Family Trip in June. 

To Taiwan. 

So that kinda of puts a damper on my working plans. And he had to tell me that after I spent a whole week searching for jobs and going for countless interviews. Countless. >.>

So yea, more or less confirmed going to Taiwan with my parents in June and off to Bangkok with my gals in early July. Not going to work this summer but instead, tie up all the loose ends.

Like for example, get my dmn driving license. Yea.. And clean up my room. It's 70% done. Just left with some cabinets and then it's time to clear my wardrobe. Create more space for my hauls from BKK. =P

But besides driving and cleaning up my room, I felt like going for some classes. Mum sorta asked me to continue learning Japanese while Dad asked me to go for some cooking class. =3=

Any recommendations? Am revising my old stuff online now. 

So besides those 'boring' stuff said above, I've been busy with my movies, dramas and of course chillaxing with my friends. =D Shall share more about it next time but for now, my dreams are calling me. 

Maybe more tomorrow~ Jaa!