Monday, July 2, 2012

So many things to say..

Was contemplating for a few weeks whether to post this or not. After a talk with a really good buddy who reminded me to not be easily led around by emotions and to always have my brain with me, things became clearer in a certain aspect and I've decided to just take it as it is. But still, this was what that had been 'tormenting' my head in June, making me moodier than ever. But now, I'm feeling much better. So yea, this is just something that I really want to let it out of myself, and maybe, just maybe, put it behind me.


So many things to say yet I have no idea how or where to start. Fear grips me in the heart as I hesitate. It was not supposed to happen. I don't think I've ever felt so insecure in this aspect before. I have no idea what to do actually. A part of me fears the consequences and the response but against other alternatives, I'm not sure which will be the overall winner.

As a quote I've read recently, "If you love someone, be brave to tell them, otherwise, be brave enough to watch them be loved by someone else. "

But what exactly is love? I wonder really.

"I'm not saying I'm in love. I'm just saying that lately, he's all I think about."

The feelings I have currently definitely exceeds the usual feelings I have for a friend but what exactly are they? Even for this quote, despite telling the person you love them, you might still have to watch them be loved or love someone else. It does not mean that everything will end happily after the confession. I wish it does. Pssft~

"I wanna tell you how I feel, but I'm scared. Scared of you not feeling the same and scared of falling harder."

"Maybe I'm scared because you mean more to me than any other person. You are everything I think about, everything I want."

I really am out of my wits. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do anymore. Sometimes I feel like I'm just head-butting the walls. Or just going straight into a trap knowingly.

Been mulling over this matter for quite some time. I did not want to face my feelings at 1st as I felt I could rid myself of it but it seems like the more I try, the harder it is.

"I think about you all the time. You're always on my mind. Yet I feel like there's nothing I can do about it."

So true. How many countless nights I've spent thinking of you. Thousands of dreams regarding you, regarding us. Sometimes, the dreams just feel so real that upon waking up, I wished so hard that it was real. That it was not a dream but reality. Alas, it wasn't.

Well, I guess I'll follow the motto as I've always done for this aspect. "If its yours, its yours. If its not, no matter how hard you try, it will never be. "

Or maybe I should update it a little with a new quote too.

"If two people are meant to be together, eventually they'll find their way back."

And so I wonder if we're meant to be together. 

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