Sunday, April 30, 2006

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Why can't you all just look at me as myself??

Well...I'm getting tired being in my parents' shadow and everyone treating me and looking as me as the pastor's daughter or as a teacher's daughter and have high expectations for me. They happily put my name onto a bible quiz competition when I do not have any wish to go. True, I'm do it for God, but they put it jsut because I'm the pastor's daughter and there are surely other people more capable and better than me right? Must I always do everything that people ask me to do? I'm sick of it. I really wish to go to somewhere that nobody knows who I am and live my life there. That's why I'm planning to find a job that requires travelling overseas for many years so I can leave this place for a long long time. I really wish I can do that now. Well, life is full of ups and downs..but i really am tired. I don't have any motivation and ambitions in life. i just feel like lazing around in living in my own fantasy world, but i can't do that..its too irresponsible of me. In life, we always lead the life of what people wants us to live, if we try to live our own life, there will be objections and everything and trouble will just come along the way. I wonder how relazing it will be if my live is just a story as it will have 'a happily ever after ending'..(think i've been reading too much books..lols..) but in reality, it might not happen. Sigh..Was quite hurt by what some people said today "..of course what, you are the pastor's daughter.." its not that I'm very unhappy but can't they just see that I want to be seen as an individual and not in others' shadows. I want to be able to accomplish things without other people looking and thinking that it is because I've strong back-up. I want to prove that I can do things by myself..and through God too...guess I've found an aim and goal in life now..hehex..lols..
p.s. Gorging on food doesn't really helps to cheer me only helps a bit..lols..

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