A means to an end?

Maybe its the exposure to the many different ethical views of people..
Maybe I'm tired of people treating me for granted..
Maybe I'm sick of getting disappointed by people
Maybe I'm just worn out from being an alternative.
Maybe I'm irritated by all the double standards
Maybe I'm exhausted with all the secrets
Maybe I'm tired of feeling
Maybe, just maybe, it's better to be alone.
No attachments, no expectations, no feelings, no disappointments, no rules, no hellos, no farewells, just nothing.

Yea, that sums up how I'm feeling these few days. Is it that hard, that painful to have what I yearn for? Perhaps it's only this difficult 'cos its me? I truly meant what I said up there. I'm really tired of feeling. If only there is some miraculous drink or treatment which I can partake and kill all feelings in me, would I feel happier? Guess I wouldn't know as all feelings in me would have died. But one thing I'm sure of, I wouldn't feel any pain, disappointments, sadness or give a shit about what anyone thinks or expects of me. That feels like an ideal world for me now. But I can't go there, can I?

The closest thing I can get to it now is death. And it feels so welcoming, so tempting.

I know this is an emo shitty post but yea. I just want to crawl into a dark deep hole, huddle my knees around my chest and cover the hole up. No one is to enter. No one is able to hurt me then. No pain will be able to penetrate it. After I've recovered and am feeling stronger, I'll climb back up again, on my own. And then, the world may once again use me as they wish to. But for me, let me be shut in my hole.