Relieved.. Sorta

Yea, feeling relieved that maybe after letting my blog rot off and  sink into the depths of dust bunnies, no one will bother to read it and its easier for me to blog freely. I guess today's post will be more like a rant I guess.

Or maybe just something I observe.

I dislike being normal. Perhaps the word 'common' is more appropriate. I love bright colours, colours that just stand out. I guess one of the reasons why I like pink is 'cos not a lot of people like to admit they do or rather shun away from pink. But I like it, it's an happy colour. Same goes for red. Never really a person to go for mainstream stuff. Especially when it comes to dressing or bags or shoes. I like something different. I want to be different. Can it be considered attention seeking? Maybe? But I'm not exactly craving for people to idolize me. Or even wanting. I don't think its so much of that assurance from others for me but more of my own opinion and feelings.

I had a really low self esteem when I was young. Always felt that there's no point in trying hard as in the end, I'm just huddled away like the rest while the privileged will just ascend to their pedestals. And somehow I'm always friends with the 'privileged'. Do note that I say this with an open heart and jestingly. Gotta admit that I did envy these people who seem to have everything. But as I got to know them better, I realized that life ain't a bed of roses for them. But then again. when is life a bed of roses. Thorns, yea.

When you envy someone, you tend to follow their actions or dressing to be more like them, in order to achieve what they have. But in the end, it's different. You may think you have achieved it but in the end, who are the people that you're trying to please accepting? Ok, that last sentence sounded a little confusing so hope you get it. I had to spend some time thinking if that made sense. Think it did. If you follow others and get accepted, you're just giving the world a clone of someone else. The people who accept you then, are they truly accepting you? Are you accepting yourself? I wasn't. I dislike myself.

But in the end, after lots of Ups & Downs, I gradually found myself and start accepting it. It isn't easy. We're all flawed. And it isn't easy looking at others 'perfect' lives, but it isn't so perfect you know. It may seem like they're living The Life when we view it through their Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.. but that's what they most probably want others to see. Not saying it's wrong. I do that too. It's just that, we tend to post the highlights of our lives, the interesting stuff.

Ok, think I have side-tracked quite a little. Where did the rant I had in mind ran off too? The rant that ran away. =.=

Oh yea. So I mentioned that I don't really like mainstream stuff, and as the people around me will know, I can't handle being restrained. And I need adrenaline in my life. So yea, I like to dress up, I like to take pictures of me. I prefer taking my own pictures and I still feel kinda of awkward when posing for others. I like pretty and cute things. I try to mix my styles and all. Of course I'm no genius. I think I suck at art. Ok, cancel the thinking. I suck at art. I'm no fashion designer. I browse magazines, tv programs and whatsnot for fashion advice, yada yada yada. But I don't follow blindly. I know me. I might not know expertly what suits me externally/physically but I know what suits me inside. Sporty? Chic? Pinky? Demure? Grunge? I know what I feel like on specific days and that often set the mood for my attire or so.

Never one to fix on just a specific style.

So I like to think I have my own style. And I feel it's different from usual? At least slightly? And by own style, I meant when I do make the effort to dress up. On lazy days or school days, I'm usually just in my usual shorts & tees. And I feel my own style is not just limited to my attire but my attitude and the way I do things around me.

Ahh, coming to the main point now. Maybe I shall be blunt and just blurt it out.

I dislike it when others copy my style.

Copy might be too harsh a word. How bout 'follow'? I'm not saying that I have a throng of followers but it's just something I dislike. A few or even just one person doing that is enough to get on my nerves. And I seriously doubt I'll ever get my own fan-base.

Do you ever get those situations or moments that when you first started doing/wearing/loving something that wasn't part of the mainstream but after a while, everyone around you seems to be doing/wearing/loving it? I have. Not saying that I brought around the change. Goodness no, I ain't that capable. But maybe social channels brought it up a lot and people start to only take notice then and suddenly, boosh! It's an 'In Thing'. Like dramas or styles, etc. Bah!

Or maybe someone actually did follow your actions and whatsnot. Not sure about you but I find it pretty irritating at times.

Of course, as girls, there is the situation of someone wearing the same outfit as you and all of a sudden, the space around y'all darkens considerably. Most of the time. If not planned.

Among my friends, we have similar outfits or even the same outfit but  I don't really mind. Because I know they have their own way of wearing it and I have mine. There's often the situation where my friends will ask me if I mind them getting the same clothing item as me or vice-versa. And I really don't mind. Note: Friends

But when it's not my friends, or perhaps not my close friends, I get slightly irritated. Or more. Sometimes I just get the feeling that it's been violated. Whatever the subject is. Not that I'm the creator of it but still. There's just this URGH feeling in me. And most of the time, I get so turned off that I just give up on it till the 'fad' or the copying is over before bringing back in. Unless it's something I hold dear, then I'll probably fight with my dear life. Whatever that means in different situations.

So yea, I thought it would be a really short post with me just ranting a little but I guess I just had to explain and poof! The words just kept coming and it churned out a not-so-short post.

Still feeling a little irked by some recent incidents which caused this post but then again, I just 'gave up' on it. Not really something I love so it's alright. I'll go back to it when it more or less dies off.

But just a little something. Call it my pride or ego talking. When I do/wear something, it's usually something I'm confident of so I'm pretty sure I do/wear it much better than most people who just follow or catch on later. Take that!

Rant

A rant of mine.
(Please read till the end. I've edited something there. Kinda of important.) Cheerios

This story is fictional. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is completely concidental.

Completely, I tell you.

And so it starts.

I love shopping. There, I spilled the truth.

And thanks to the advancement in information technology now, shopping is not just limited to brick and mortar but also the online world.

Online shopping can be such a breeze to us customers. Clickity click and tadaa~ 'Your order has been sent in.' The owners reply you and done deal right?

But.. what happens if you decided to create some 'magic' for them? Ahhh~ Interesting huh?

I used to think that one request from me as a customer wouldn't do much harm ya? But who knows if there are gazillion customers who think like me? Woohooo~ The owners are gonna dieeee.

Common sense, don't you think? Well, I admit that I only sympathised with them after working in the outside world.

Time is precious in this world. Majority of our life is spend on studying and working. Why do we do all that when we obviously dislike it so? To earn a living, to feed ourselves, our wants, our needs, etc.

So at times, why make so much trouble for each other when all we're doing are exactly the same? Of course I'm not saying you should just take crap from people. Know your rights but do not abuse it.

Example, if you happen to have requested a meeting with someone, but maybe let's just say 15-20 min before the stipulated time, you inform the person you're gonna be late and the reason being is due to self-indulgence.

Helloooo?~~ You freaking think the other person has all the time in the world to wait for you ar? Who wouldn't get irritated? Especially when the person is just an acquaintance and happens to have a history of lateness.

Ok, that's one. Oh, and my bad. Changing the time 20 mins before the meeting isn't last minute at all. I'm just too uptight over it and happened to miss my comfy lunch. And yea, offering my help before that is wrong. And being on time or arriving slightly earlier on time is WRONG!

Freak you!

And if others who have faced the same situation (not the lateness) as you and are happy with no complaints, doesn't that freaking show something about YOU?

Booya! And I believe that this protagonist (not me) in my story has trouble calculating time. Ahhh~ Expected since she doesn't take time seriously. Or else, she just have trouble reading. Tsk tsk. Either way, I kinda of pity her. So please, to make it up to you, take more advantage of my kindness. Please do~

If I'm working, and I know I can handle my time by doing another hobby of mine, why not. I don't see any wrong in it.

And what's wrong with multi-tasking if I am capable. It keeps me active, both physically and mentally. And I need to be kept active or I would just go into a slump.

So in the end, thank you for keeping me 'active' and it has been ages since I felt the urge to rant something out with a story. Since secondary 3 I guess.

End of story~

I love this rant. It makes me feel so much at ease and yea~ I'm off to a movie date with my boyf now!

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EDIT: Okay, so some of yall think that I'm writing this out 'cos of my experiences in co-hosting a blogshop. Well, it's partially true. So I shall continue more here.

I had great experiences with customers online too. Some of them were really enthusiastic which made me really happy when replying to them. Really! You can see my face grinning like mad as I'm replying them. It also cheered me up whenever I see them thanking us and saying they will order more. Somehow, it creates a bond ya? Heehee. So, just to say, not all experiences are bad. In fact, huge majority of them were good and super duper nice and it was great during the meet-up! Hahahaha!

Another thing was that, I chose to take down this post earlier on at 2am. But posting it up again so as to affirm some things to myself and maybe to you peeps out there.

First, I couldn't get to sleep last night as I still felt lots of frustrations in me. Not just because of this but a lot of factors. Been feeling that since yesterday. Pssft. Posting it up not just because it vents out the frustration but because I really like this post of mine. XD

Secondly, I don't wish to run away and repeat what I did in Sec 3 for my post.

Thirdly, the main thing is that, this is just me. This is a blog where I can type out what I feel and what I'm going through. True, at times, what I say may offend some people, but this has always been an outlet for me to vent out and to type what I feel and I hope it will continue to do so. Though I know the readers on my blog are increasing thanks to JFS but still, I don't wish to change my blog totally. I felt restrained after taking down my post yesterday. I thought I wouldn't at first but it proved me wrong.

If people do not wish to see this post (I'm not sure if there are more coming) and stop frequenting here. I'm okay. I'm not planning to be a blogger blogger ya? As in, I blog, yes. But I don't expect myself to be famous or even well-known 'cos of my blog. (But I plan to be famous through other things. =P) I mean, that's the truth.

So, all I mean is that, I gotta do another disclaimer.

My blog is about what I feel, what I think and what my life is. It isn't perfect and might be full of nonsense and crap. And as I'm not planning to be someone known for her blog, hits and all don't really affect me. If you think that I have nuffnang signs on my blog is contradicting, well, if it earns money and doesn't cost me a cent, why not? Of course, it makes me happy and glad to know that people are reading my blog be it out of curiousity or other reasons.

JFS is JFS while I am I. Please try to not let it affect you and also, please understand where I am coming from. A bird in the open will never get used to a cage, no matter how big the cage may be. I love my blog and of course I hope others love it too. But 免强是没有幸福的.